Jay Robinson

lukees via dalasverdugo via optimisto.

Animated Superpowers 2

Question:  If you could have any supernatural power… what would you choose?
Amir:  What I basically want is that for things to effect me in a way than they oppositely should. Okay, that doesn't make sense. But, what I mean is… If I eat french fries, I will become healthier. The less I shower, the better I smell. Girls are f***ing loving it. Uhh, if someone like hurts me and beats me up, I will get stronger. Jumping off buildings turning into giant humans. By the end of the fight, I haven't done a single thing but I'm like 9'6", 540 pounds, pure muscle. Every six pack I have, has a six pack. So I have a thirty-six pack going. He's just freaking the eff out.

“Confessions of a Hipster” by Lauren (Via Jonah Grant.)

I am ironically in love with this girl.

Microsoft Education Competencies: Humor →

Overdoing Humor

• May disrupt group process with untimely or inappropriate humor
• May use humor to deflect real issues and problems
• May use humor to criticize others and veil an attack
• May use humor to deliver sarcasm or cynicism
• May be perceived as immature or lacking in appropriate seriousness
• His/her humor may be misinterpreted

Guilty.

Via Mr. Scott Jackson.

Truth in Advertising - If you enjoy the style of comedy where people explicitly state their attempts at social posturing in lieu of any natural chitchat, then this one is for you. Along the same lines, check out The Vendor Client Relationship.

In my experience, bosses flip for this kind of stuff.

(To celebrate Google's recent announcement that YouTube will automatically transcribe videos, I have transcribed Ricky Van Veen's speech from one of my favorite College Humor videos, "Scooch")

Ricky:  Guys, the bathroom here is a privilege. If you're gunna do Number Two, just do Number One. If you're going into the bathroom and you're going to do a Number Two, just do a Number One! It's simple! It's math! I can't make this any clearer. Every time you do a Number Two it costs the company twice as much as a Number One. Number Twos just don't clog the toilet flow they clog the work flow. Keep your Number Twos at home. Our toilets aren't a place to be doing Number Twos, which was a decision I made when I built this company with my bare hands. Yes, what I just said is true. Using a mortar and rudimentary bricks I literally built this company from the ground up. Sure, it's collapsed several times …that's not what's important here. What's important here is Number One. Number Ones are like (???) they're pure, they give back to the environment. There is physical proof that humans don't need Number Twos is be successful. I wasn't gunna go here, but Number Twos are un-American. Patriots don't take Number Twos, okay? Do you love your country? Do you love your country as I love it? (???) Let's talk for a moment about Number Three. We all get urges at work so I understand fully if you have to take a Number Three. The bathrooms can handle that (???) One more order of business, I guess we're working here now.
Streeter:  Sorry. Boss, did we move offices because Pat was late to the meeting?
Ricky:  No, we moved because the toilets were clogged. Like I said before, if you're gunna do Number Two, just do Number One.
Streeter:  Sometimes I have to do a Number Two, though…
Ricky:  Then just do two Number Ones.

Truth in Advertising

How about truth in advertising, where spokespeople/models cannot appear in an advertisement unless that foodstuff can be shown/proven to be a part of their weekly diet?

I don’t want some skinny chick selling me Doritos. I want Drew Carey to sell me Doritos.

Calcium Conundrum :(

lifeofbk:

I don’t know which is more scary
Which pain I would rather carry
I could pass stones when I pee
Or shatter my knee
I am confused by my need for diary.

Screenshots of the new Dark Castle →

The most boring game in the world →

Rap video about giving extremely hard back massages while looking totally fly in camo.